Once upon a time, when we were young, someone told us that if we study hard, graduate with distinction, and get a decent job, we would be set for life.
As we got older, we felt that a doting partner, a house with a picket fence, and a promotion or two would add even more certainty to our lives.
However, if we stop for a moment and reflect on our lives, we’d clearly see all the sudden changes we’ve had to make, the unexpected twists life took, and the unprecedented challenges we’ve had to overcome to get this far.
Today, the COVID-19 pandemic has made it achingly clear just how much we need to develop the skills to deal with uncertainty in a healthy and compassionate manner.
Because the truth is, life is uncertain and the only certainty we have is within us.
Uncertainty is Uncomfortable and Scary
We pride ourselves on being “thinking creatures” and we use our thoughts to rationalize events and predict outcomes.
However, in reality, we are “feeling creatures” that are able to use our thoughts as tools to make sense of the world around us.
Uncertainty happens when our ability to anticipate events is hampered due to unclear, new or unpredictable situations.
When we don’t have a clear indication of where our lives are headed, worry begins to consume us.
We mentally time travel between past actions that may have contributed to our present situation and future predictions that are based on experiences, beliefs and just a bit of objective logic.
“With the way life is heading, what if I am not able to adjust to the new reality?”
“My job is not completely secure right now. What if I lose my job? How will I survive?”
“Traveling is complicated right now. What if I won’t be able to travel again to see my family and friends?”
“Things are going well with my partner, but we had an argument yesterday. What if my relationship ends?”
“I feel like something is missing in my life. What if I never discover my purpose?”
How Uncertainty Affects Your Life
Uncertainty feels demotivating, disempowering and limiting.
The fear of the unknown triggers the brain’s fight-or-flight response which floods your system with stress and anxiety.
Chronic stress caused by uncertainty could potentially result in unhealthy coping mechanisms like emotional eating, procrastination, lashing out, shutting down, venting, denial, alcohol/drug abuse, or shopping.
You may even notice a decline in your health, including symptoms like muscle tensions and aches, restlessness, difficulty focusing on tasks, sleeping too much or too little, eating disorders, and exhaustion.
In addition, low tolerance of uncertainty has been linked with mental health conditions like depression, panic, and chronic stress.
Uncertainty can make it hard to take the first step in the right direction.
Signs of Low Tolerance to Uncertainty
Developing tolerance towards uncertainty is letting go of the need to excessively worry, plan and prepare in order to eliminate it.
So, how can you tell from your behavior that you’re experiencing uncertainty?
It’s easy!
Be present and aware of the behaviors linked with intolerance to uncertainty such as:
- Needing excessive reassurance and validation from others
- Making several “To Do” lists throughout the day for a sense of control
- Double and triple-checking everything to the point of perfectionism
- Doing everything yourself because you don’t trust others will do it as well as you
- Procrastinating and avoiding others because you think that if you don’t do anything, you have nothing to be uncertain about
- Distracting yourself with work, activities, shopping, socializing etc… so you have no time to think about uncertainty at all
- Feeling tension and stress in the body when uncertainty shows up
Uncertain situations are inevitable and uncertainty will always be a part of life. With the right tools, we can all learn to live with uncertainty.
How Can You Cope with Uncertainty?
You have the power within you, at any given time or place, to shift to a more resilient and compassionate state of mind.
Here are a few tools that I invite you to try today:
1. Be present
Presence in the here and now is the antidote to uncertainty.
When you begin to worry about a dark and dreary future, you’ll feel changes happen in your body.
Feelings of overwhelm and insecurity impact the way you breathe, sit, and move about. When your body gives you these signals, bring yourself back to the present moment by paying attention to your breath and body.
Breathe.
Relax your body.
And look around you.
Ask yourself, “How much of what I am uncertain about is happening right here and now in this present moment?
Odds are, what you are worried about is not happening right here and now.
By bringing your attention back to your breath and body and being present in the moment, you begin to cultivate a calm, open-minded and tolerant view of uncertainty.
2. Be kind and compassionate
You’re not a robot, and it’s completely normal for you to feel worried, anxious, afraid or stressed about uncertainty in your future.
Your feelings are absolutely okay.
Instead of trying to suppress your emotions and bury them somewhere deep, embrace yourself without judgment, criticism and harsh labels.
Comfort yourself with kindness and compassion.
When you become aware of worry, agitation and fear stemming from uncertainty, put your arms around yourself and give yourself that hug that you deserve.
Acknowledge your feelings and talk to yourself with the same kindness you would have extended to a dear friend.
“I know you’re going through a tough time right now. I know it’s hard for you and you’re feeling so overwhelmed. I am here for you. I am by your side and you will get through this.”
You are your greatest ally in this lifetime.
3. Be Playful
You are the author of your story, so don’t make it a boring tragedy.
When you become aware of the feelings brought about by uncertainty and the story your mind is repeating about it, choose to rewrite the narrative.
Approach the situation with playfulness and imagine different scenarios instead. Create a better version of what is happening to you and your place in all of it.
There are many benefits of playfulness, including stress-relief, creative thinking and smarter decision-making.
By using playfulness, you open yourself up to creativity, relationships and opportunities you never thought possible.
Afterall, your imagination, like the energy of this universe, is limitless.
Befriend your uncertainty.
It is not your enemy. It is telling you that something unknown is happening around you.
By embracing uncertainty, you may be able to gain valuable information that can help you maneuver through your uncertainty